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Most couples have a difficult time discussing sex. It's often hard to open up about our needs and wants in the bedroom, even to our own spouses. Even though their sex and intimate lives can be very positive and rewarding, it can take many years for most married couples to get on the same page sexually. For many couples their sexual routines just kind of settle in as their relationship matures - is it any wonder so many people report that their sex lives are routine, boring and "vanilla"? Does it feel like the romance has diminished in your marriage? Why is it so difficult to talk about sex?
In virtually all cultures as well as with most couples, men are usually more dominant sexually than women are. Men often lead most activity in the bedroom while women follow. Women are often not willing or comfortable talking about their needs and wants which leads to a big disconnect in their intimate relationship. Women often expect men to just know what they want. How do you expect to get what you want when you've never discussed it with your spouse? Sexual communication is an important aspect of healthy marriages and is even more important for women.
Consider the following findings from an analysis of several studies on the effect of good sexual communication between partners:
- Greater sexual self-disclosure is associated with higher sexual satisfaction in long-term relationships.
- Sexual communication was positively associated with all domains of sexual function (desire, arousal, erection, lubrication, orgasm, less pain) and overall sexual function.
- Better sexual communication is associated with greater sexual function, we found that sexual communication plays a particularly strong role in facilitating women's sexual desire.
- When women openly communicate about sexual likes and dislikes with their partners, they report more frequent orgasms.
One of the best ways to open the lines of communication about sex is a Yes / No / Maybe List. Married Fun has created one of the best lists around and made it an interactive activity for couples to do. This is a premium feature of the site, but we've opened up the first category for free (account required).
If you've never used a yes / no / maybe list, its purpose is to help couples communicate more easily about what interests them in the bedroom. Talking about sex is a vital activity for healthy relationships, but most couples find it difficult to do, especially earlier on in their relationship. If you look around online a bit you'll find other similar lists out there, but our list is bar far the best we've seen.
We've put together our list of over 200 ideas, each grouped into 1 of 16 different categories. Each idea also has a little description of what the idea is and maybe a tip or two to make it even better. The way it works is both of you look at the questions on your own, selecting either yes, no or maybe for each of the ideas or activities mentioned. Yes means that you would be willing to try it out, if it's something new, or that you would like to continue doing it if it's something that you're already familiar with. A maybe means that you're willing to give it a shot once, or sometimes, while a no means you are not interested in that activity. You can change your answers of course at any time.
Once you've entered any selections the tool will begin to tally them and show you the things that you both indicated you are interested in trying or continuing to do. It might take a while to get through all the ideas, but you can get started easily by answering whichever ones you want and it will show you your results right away. You can filter the results to show only the things that you both said yes to, or that one of you said yes to while the other said maybe, etc. We also provide a link to resources on the site about each idea or activity. This is fast and simple way to open up these vital lines of communication together and produces a list of things for you to do or try out together.
What are you waiting for, try it out!