It’s a problem that many relationships face at one time or another: your wife wants more sex and you don’t. But what do you do when you and your wife’s libidos don’t match up? You work on the problem, of course! If you want your marriage to remain strong, then the problem needs to be addressed so that it doesn’t lead to a dead bedroom. The following guide will help you learn what to do when you and your wife have mismatched libidos.
What To Do When Your Wife Wants More Sex Than You Do
There are three primary steps you should follow when your wife wants more sex in your relationship than you do. These steps will help you understand why you and your wife have different libidos and what can be done to improve the problem.
1. Determine the reason why your libidos don’t match
The first thing you need to do is find out why your libidos aren’t in sync. Is it that your wife wants sex every day - or even more than once a day? Or is it that your libido is low to the point of only wanting sex twice a month?
Once you have determined this aspect, then you can move on to considering the deeper reasons behind your libido differences. For instance, if you only want sex once a week or less - why? Is it due to physical pain or discomfort when having sex? Are you not up for sex because you’re stressed from work or tired from parenting during the week? Are you worried about performance issues? Do you prefer romantic evenings leading to sex whereas your wife just wants to jump right into the bed? The more you can explore the deeper reasons, the easier it will be to communicate with your wife.
2. Communicate with your wife about possible compromises
Now that you have determined the reason (or reasons) why you and your wife don’t have matching libidos, you can open up the floor for conversation. Have an open discussion with your wife about the differences in your libidos. Talk about why your libido is lower, and what you want out of sex that may differ from her own perspective. Then ask her to share her perspective and thoughts on the situation before moving on to step 3.
3. Come to a compromise you can both be happy with
The final step is to discuss possible compromises and come up with one that will leave you both happy. What type of compromise you reach will vary depending on the nature of the situation. For example, if you prefer sex to be the end result of a romantic, drawn-out evening, your wife could agree to a certain number of days where she sets the mood; or if you are tired from work, you could compromise by hiring a babysitter to take care of the kids so you can relax together.
Remember: a mismatched libido doesn’t need to devolve into a dead bedroom. The above steps will help you navigate a relationship where your libidos don’t match up.
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