When you first fell in love with your spouse, you no doubt felt that thrill of the "chase" that came with falling in love, becoming a couple, and finally committing to one another. Yet that chase tends to fade away with most married couples, and this lack of the chase can lead spouses to feel bored, unfulfilled and can cause marital problems. If you want your love and marriage to remain vibrant and alive, you can’t give up the chase! The following are the ways that you can keep up the chase, along with a look at what causes couples to give up on that chase in the first place.
Love and the Thrill of the Chase
When you first fall in love with someone, your relationship is not guaranteed - nor do you truly know that person yet. Hence, the “chase” where you have to both pursue a relationship with someone new and learn everything you can about them. Their likes, their dislikes, their hopes, their dreams - everything that brings you closer together. Until you've become a couple, and even until you get married, during the chase you're doing all that you can to be your best self and treat the other person special. This is why we call it the chase, or the hunt, or courtship or dating. In this phase, you're trying to catch the other person and convince them to be with and stay with you.
Why Couples Give Up the Chase
Once you are in a committed relationship, particularly once you have become married, the chase tends to fade away for one simple reason: there is no longer any need to chase someone who has already been married to you! The lack of the need for a chase often means that those sparking, vibrant feelings that you felt when you first met your now-married-spouse start to fade away.
How to Keep the Chase Going
Now that you know why the chase is important, you can learn some simple ways to keep that chase alive - and going for years to come. The following are some simple tips that you can follow to keep the chase alive.
Strive to learn new things about your spouse
Your spouse is not a static figure, and there are always new things to learn about them! Whether it’s foods that they like, little quirks such as the way they stick their tongue out when they paint a wall, or even learning about memories and activities form their past, there are always new ways to continue to get to know your spouse. The chase of learning new things about your spouse never has to end as long as you are open to learning new things.
Treat your spouse like you’re dating
If you want to keep the feeling of the chase alive, then you need to act like you’re on the chase! Strive to “date” your married spouse, even though you’re already committed to one another. This includes surprising them with flowers, taking the time to set up nice dates, and basically treating them as special as you did when you first started courting. This will bring back all those wonderful chase feelings that you felt when you first met.
Treat yourself like you’re dating
Let's be honest. Back when you were dating you probably spent a little more effort on your appearance, your manners, your weight or even your humor. Just because you ended the chase and caught your lover doesn't mean you need to "give up" on being your best self to give to your spouse. Don't get lazy and complacent, keep being the person that your spouse was attracted to and fell in love with in the first place. Sure, we all get older and maybe a little chubbier, but that's not a good excuse for not trying. Don't you want your spouse to do the same for you?
Remember, while the chase may feel like it’s fading away as the years go on, it doesn’t have to stop! The above tips will help you keep the chase alive no matter how long you and your spouse have been happily married.
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With our Couples Advent Calendar we'll give you a great marriage tip for each of the 25 days leading up to Christmas. This fun activity will help you focus on your relationship. Make it your next holiday tradition!