Sex Starts in the Kitchen

You may have heard the phrase "sex starts in the kitchen" before, and you may have wondered what exactly that means. Well, husbands, listen up! This important knowledge could just change how you view intimacy with your wife. Wives, you need to understand this too if you want to really meet your husband’s needs! Here’s the answer: having great sex isn't just about the period of time where you’re together in the bedroom with your clothes off. It’s about how you treat each other and connect with each other all day long… in the kitchen, in the living room, in the backyard, running errands, and anywhere else you might be.

In other words, feeling emotionally close to your spouse is an important part of sex. Sex is an emotional experience. The more connected you are with your partner emotionally, the more in tune you will be with their sexual needs, which leads to a better sexual experience together. So, how do you connect with your partner emotionally? There are many things you can do, but here are just a few basics.

1. Be friends with each other

It is important that a husband and wife have a relationship with each other that isn't just about shared parenting or household responsibilities. What are things you like to do together? Find common interests and share experiences together. Spend time together having fun and enjoying each other’s company both inside and outside your home. Go on dates often with just the two of you. Build yourself a living library of shared memories and experiences.

2. Communicate emotions and needs

Be in tune with your own feelings and emotions. Don’t ignore them or push them away. Communicate your emotions and needs openly to your spouse, without blaming or accusing. Make reasonable requests for your spouse to help fulfill your emotional needs. When your spouse shares these things with you, be sensitive and empathetic to them. Make sure you are a safe place for them to share their vulnerabilities. Respond with love and compassion. Help each other and build each other up daily.

3. Express affection in ways other than sex

Look for the best in your spouse and compliment them generously. Overlook something they do that bothers you and let it pass without commenting. Cuddle on the couch. Hold hands. Give each other a looooong kiss before leaving the house. Write them a love note or a send a thoughtful text message. Do something for them that you know they hate to do (dishes, oil changes, taking Junior to baseball practice…. whatever is on their to do list that they wish wasn’t). Give them a massage. Buy them a gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Something like their favorite candy bar or beverage may only cost a dollar or two but goes a long way toward communicating "I was thinking about you when we weren’t together" and "I remember what you like because you’re important to me." Give them a hug. Be playful with each other. Let your spouse know by these and other actions that you care about them.

4. Connect verbally

Have a conversation. A real conversation. Don’t just run down the day’s schedule and run off to your separate activities. Take time every day to connect to each other by talking. Generally speaking, verbal communication is especially important to women. They need to talk about what’s going on in their lives and connect in this way. And one of the most important ways to connect verbally is to say, "I love you."

5. Resolve conflict

Unresolved conflict is an enemy to emotional connection. It doesn’t work to ignore hurt feelings and pretend that nothing ever happened. These types of issues will build up between you and cause resentment. If you have a disagreement, don't lash out and tear each other down verbally. Learn to compromise and work for solutions where both partners feel listened to and valued. Be willing to apologize. Be even more willing to forgive. If you feel that you and your spouse are unable to resolve conflicts in a healthy way, seek professional guidance and help.

As you practice these healthy habits with your spouse, your emotional connection to each other will be strengthened. As your emotional connection is strengthened, you will experience a more satisfying sexual connection, together.