We Never Get to Have Sex Now That We Have Kids

Once you have kids, it won’t be long before you’ll hear what will become a familiar jab from friends: "So, how’s the sex life?" Unfortunately, there is truth behind this common joke: once kids enter the picture, it’s much more difficult to find time (and energy) to keep up a regular, active sex life. Thankfully, you and your spouse won’t be stuck with a lonely bedroom if you follow the below tips to help keep your sex life active even after you become parents.

Plan time to be alone with zero chance of the kids barging in

One of the most common concerns after you have kids is that they’ll walk into the bedroom, interrupting your evening and making for an awkward situation. The best way to make sure that you still get to have regular sex is to plan some time alone with zero chance that the kids will walk in. This can be as simple as arranging for an overnight sleepover at grandma and grandpa’s, having a babysitter come to the house and arrange to go somewhere else for sex, or plan a “date” at home in the early afternoon when the kids will be at school.

Opt for sex after you’ve both had a chance to rest from your workday

Another reason why your sex life tends to dwindle once you have kids is that your energy gets easily drained by parenting; whether you’re a stay at home parent or you’re handling parenting duties before and after work. To improve your chances of having sex, make sure that both you and your spouse have a chance to rest so that you don’t become too tired to go through with it.

Don’t let your children sleep in your bedroom (within reason)

If your kids sleep in your bedroom with you, you are naturally not going to have a lot of opportunities to have a regular sex life. That is why you shouldn’t let your children sleep in your bedroom; within reason, of course - if your kid is sick or has a nightmare one night, letting them crawl into bed with you is fine. Just don’t allow it to become an everyday occurrence.

Get a lock on your door

A lock can be a great way to ensure that you and your spouse have privacy in the bedroom so you won’t feel anxious about being interrupted, and you won’t have to keep an ear open for your bedroom door creaking open. Just make sure you double check that the door is locked when you think it is!  Another tip here is to lock your door a little more often than necessary - otherwise you might as well just put a do not disturb sign on your door - your older kids will be sure to pick up on what's going on if the door is only locked when the two of you are getting down to business.  Don't overdo it of course - create a healthy balance between privacy and openness with your children.

Set a bedtime for your kids and stick to it

It’s not always practical to get the kids out of the house, but you can increase your chances physical intimacy by setting a bedtime for your kids and sticking to it. If your kids stay up late, there’s a higher chance that you’ll be overheard or even interrupted; so set a reasonable bedtime and make sure you and your kids stick with it.

Life after parenthood doesn’t have to be sex-free, so remember the above tips to keep your sex life alive after you become a parent.