Friends may grow apart with time - but spouses shouldn’t! Unfortunately, many married couples find themselves growing apart; growing apart is actually one of the most common contributors to divorce, which is why it’s important to know how to avoid this all-too-common problem. The following guide will help you understand more about why couples grow apart and how you can avoid this problem in your own marriage.
Common Reasons Couples Grow Apart
There are many reasons why married couples grow apart. The following are the most common reasons why spouses grow apart; take a look at this list and see if any of these ring true for your own marriage.
The passage of time. One of the most common reasons why husbands and wives grow apart is simple: the passage of time. It is more difficult to stay close together after 10, 20, 30 - or more - years of marriage. If couples do not work to make sure that their relationship remains close, the passage of time naturally tends to pull them apart.
Different goals in life. If you and your spouse have different goals for your stage in life, then this can cause you to grow apart as you no longer feel tied together by your common goals. For example, if you feel that you are ready to ‘settle down’ into married life, start a family, buy a family home and so on - but your spouse is still interested in living like a fast-flying single couple in the city, then you may grow apart as your goals match less and less.
Lack of regular intimacy. If you do not work to encourage regular intimacy - both physical and emotional - with your spouse, then this can lead to the two of you growing apart over time. Intimacy is required to maintain a strong relationship, so a lack of it can cause some serious problems.
Poor communication. If you don’t know how to communicate with your spouse, you will grow apart over time as your communication is necessary to maintain a strong relationship.
How to Avoid Growing Apart: Methods and Tips
Although growing apart can cause a serious problem in your marriage, it is thankfully possible to avoid growing apart if you are willing to work hard. The following are some common methods and tips you can follow to help you and your spouse stay close.
Engage in intimacy every day. You should engage in some type of intimacy every day; this doesn’t necessarily mean sex, but intimacy such as holding hands, hugging, cuddling, and kisses are a great way to stay close with your spouse and keep your connection alive. You should also regularly set up date nights and other special time where you two can do things together.
When couples have children there's a big contrast in your married life before and after kids. When all your attention is now given to your children it can contribute to the two of you growing apart. Make sure you set apart enough time for the two of you to be alone - this will help strengthen your bond and actually help you be better parents too!
Remember that relationships - especially marriage - require compromise. If you find yourselves going down separate paths all too often, there's a simple solution - just get on the same path. This can be difficult at first, but try to find ways to be together instead of apart. If she wants to go the opera, go with her. If he wants to go to the monster truck rally - make sure you're right there with him. It's good to have your own hobbies and interests, but make sure you find time for each other - you may even pick up a new hobby or interest yourself.
Work to get on the same page in life. It’s important for you and your spouse to be on the same page in your life. If you aren’t, then it’s time to sit down, lay out your goals, and work on the problem.
Remember, working hard to make sure you don’t grow apart is the best way to keep your relationship strong.
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